Was it because I changed the time several times? Was it because I eliminated a non-bike option? Was it because it was so gosh-darn hot that day? Whatever the reason, I was on my own last month for HartfordH3's bhash. I waited in the parking lot like a forgotten puppy staring at the windows of the cars cruising through the parking lot, looking for tell-tale foot decals. But none were to be found. I read the Advocate, and finished the Sudoku. But then I perked up, for I realized: there's beer in them thar hills!! I'd spent a few days biking and packing in 6 packs of yummy microbrew to various spots along the many miles of trail, and those cold* glass bottles of suds weren't going to just drink themselves...
So I dumped all the flour I had in the woods by the parking area and off I went. The trail started off brutal with a lot of climbing but fortunately the trail bike handled it alright, and by the time I got to the first beer check I was drenched and ready. The second beer check was also delightful, and all was right with the world as I pedaled home. I left a lot of the beer out there, so future runs or rides can be pre-stocked.
Here's an example of a back woods beer check. A mild-mannered mossy rock, right?
Wrong! Taa-da!! Beer!!!
In other news, we are saddened to hear that Happy Valley, who just had their own bash yesterday, had a crash with significant injury. Love going out to Big Piles and prayers for a speedy recovery.
On-on to rehab!! (not the alcoholic kind),
Hares: Just David, Boner Donor
In attendence: High Bush, Garfield, Friar Fuck, FireBall, HIG, Hot Box, Semen Sucker, Malt Lickher, the Butler Hit it, Cumms too Fast, CrabTree, Leap Frog, some virgins, some fellow travellers, and maybe you were there and I just don't have your name: I'm an *sshole. I love you all.
I think the Wailers can write up the hash trash for $5 hooker better than I. For the last month, visiters to the hard fart homepage have been greeted by sweet 60's ska melody, and Peter Tosh dulcetly intoning thusly:
"Stop the train, I’m leaving/
I said it won’t be too long whether I’m right or wrong /Won’t be too long whether I’m right or wrong."
...If that wasn't a clue about last month's trail, I don't know what is! But it was clear to even this half-mind that most of the pack felt running 2 miles of train track WAS too long, whether I'm right or wrong. I did an extra down-down, for that one.
Sh*tty trail abounded on that hot spring day in Bloomfield, but the rewards were just. After circle, we beat feet for the brewery where the beer flowed like wine. Just how many 4 oz samples can you get on a single tour? As many as you can swill before they shut the place down at 5pm. The brewers tapped multiple hookers in one go. Lots of taps and tap-tenders meant you could that there was very little waiting between swiggs of brew. An many excellent brews were to be had. My favorite? The watermelon ale! A hooker with melons, this beer's time has...
Cum out for the next hardfart extravaganza (the terd in a series, a new record) next Saturday, June 19th. Details right here at http://hartfordh3.weebly.com/
CPR 2: not flat lining yet: the re-re-re-revival 4/10/10
In attendance: High Bush, Garfield, Justgreg, Dr. G, C*fest, H.I.G., Bondage Barbie, I Eat Cum, Likes to Bang Poles, Ice Box, Counterfeit Dick, Jimmy Crack Whore, Crucifux, and about 4 others whose hash names escape me but your faces and antics are still emblazoned on my brain.
This was a multi-cultural hash, with outpourings from multiple surrounding kennels. We were very pleased. The trail was set from the same spot as last year, and for those who hashed it last year, it started out oh so similar...tantilizingly so. But it was all a ruse, and this trail quickly took the pack to new places: like pissing off the Weselyan tennis team with a song check, defacing ancient burial grounds (you are so gonna be haunted), and tripping down the railroad ties ( a persistent feature of the bd trail).
A piece of hashit was gloriously recovered by one hasher having traveled thru boston and happy valley hashes and was bequeathed to bonerdonor. So you shall see him adorned in full regalia at the May 15th, $5 hooker hash!
On-On! Welcome to one in what will soon be many installments of the HartFart H3 hash trash.
Mismanagement: Boner Donor (hare), High Bush, Garfield.
Attendance: Swampy and Priscilla (founders!), Hi I’m Gay, Smashmouth, Dr. Gonad, Cocktoberfest, Nipples Erectus, Leapfrog, Crabtree, a hasher from the university who hails from NCtrash hash (sorry I never got your hashname; I’m an asshole) and a bevy of Virgins: Just Alicia, Just Patrice, Just Rich, Just Lorien, Just Jen, Just Ari. If I missed anyone, sorry; I’m still an asshole ;-)
Ok, I don't want to brag or anything, but Hartford CPR was a wicked good hash. We, the 3 lonely organizers were tucked in the corner of the strip mall parking lot in Middletown 'round 2pm, behind a very imposing pile of pine bark mulch just beginning to steam in the growing heat of the day. Any threats of rain from the morning had dissolved and the weather got gorgeous. That was a good start but hey, we were still kind of nervous...We had about 10 folks who said they'd be there, and we'd thought that was pretty good. But it was getting later and we were just sort of wondering if anyone was really going to show or if this would pull the plug forever on the Hartford Hash House Harriers. Then the cars starting filing in, some with little foot stickers in the rear windows. Hashers came, including hashers from Boston and NY in addition to our Connecticut compadres in New Haven , Bethel/Ridgefield, and other points unknown. It was elating. So, by 2:15p with a rowdy pack now formed, the hare set off, filled with beer and bravado, laying trail hither and yon. First through the community garden of the senior center, over a fence (which many cleverly realized they could go around) then to the university campus, over many a playing field, church parking lot, hospital, more playing fields, and down the railroad tracks to the beer check: in a van…down by the river…
Okay so we weren’t in a van but we were most decidedly down on a closed stretch of river rd in the shade next to the water with a cooler of cold ones. Close enough. Competitive r*ning was definitely noted amongst some of the virgins; a fact which was stored for later use in the circle. As the pack filed in our insipid hare beat a hasty hare retreat to lay the rest of the trail, which followed the river and finished up back in the underbrush at the far end of Harbor Park . But said hare was a little too cock-sure and didn’t check the hell out of the final stretch. As a result, Garfield and Boner Donor barely got the beer and treats squirreled away in time to lay in wait while the pack took one last false trail under the tunnel (‘cause who can resist a tunnel?). The FRB (just Rich) did see us hustling our butts with coolers in hand, but at that point, he’d been enlisted as schlepper and compatriot and was himself carrying the trash. Phew…
A surprising array of broken glass and discarded underwear lay at our feet as we held Hardfart H3’s first circle of the year, with none other than founding member Priscilla as RA. After a very uncooperative interrogation, justdave was named BonerDonor and then made to drink a bottomless beer. And there was much rejoicing. The On-After was at Eli Canon’s, where their nigh-bottomless beer list was sorely tested, as were the sensibilities of any within earshot of our crew. All told a fine Re-re-renaissance for H4. Thanks to everyone who came and made it so great!! On-on to the next hash!! We hash jointly with NH4, and their very own Hi I’m Gay will be haring on Memorial Day weekend and look out for Hartfart’s 5-dollar hooker Hash cumming in June!